what is verbal and emotional abuse?

What is verbal and emotional abuse?

As described by organisation Reach (2022), domestic violence is a pattern of behaviours used to gain or maintain power and control, meaning that acts of domestic violence and abuse usually go beyond one single incident. These behaviours can appear in many shapes and forms, many of which aren’t mentioned as often as physical abuse.

Although physical abuse is said to be the most known form of abuse, it is not the most common one. Verbal and emotional abuse can easily go undetected in an everyday environment and many victims are verbally abused on a regular basis without even recognising that it is happening (VWM, 22).

Emotional abuse involves attempts to frighten, control, or isolate you. This type of abuse doesn’t involve physical violence, though it might involve threats of violence directed toward you or your loved ones. It’s characterised by a person’s words, actions, and the consistency of these behaviours.

Emotional and verbal abuse can involve:

• Name-calling - Abusive, derogatory language or insults that chip away at the target’s self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and self-concept.

• Shaming - Critical, sarcastic, or mocking words that are meant to put you down. These may be comments about the way you dress or talk, your intelligence or behaviour.

• Criticising - Harsh and persistent remarks that are meant to make the person feel bad about themselves and are not constructive, but deliberate and hurtful.

• Yelling - A display of power with the goal to control and intimidate you into submission.

• Making jokes at your expense - Jokes that attack an area where you feel vulnerable or weak.

• Verbal threats - Statements meant to frighten, control, and manipulate the victim into compliance.

• Gaslighting - A type of insidious, and sometimes covert, emotional abuse where the abuser makes the target question their judgments and reality.

• Withholding - A refusal to give affection or attention, including talking to you, looking at you, or even being in the same room with you.

• Blaming - Making the victim believe they are responsible for the abusive behaviour or that they bring the verbal abuse upon themselves.

• Isolation and Control - Monitoring your external communications and who you spend time with.

The effects of verbal abuse can be just as damaging as those of physical abuse as it can heavily impact your confidence, self-trust and self-worth. Those who experience verbal abuse may experience feelings of worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, and problems regulating their emotions. Verbal and emotional abuse can be particularly confusing if the perpetrator may not be regularly abusive, with their behaviour emerging slowly over time. In this way, verbal abuse can be insidious, subtle and hard to recognise. It is important to remember - abuse does not have to be physical.

Emotional and verbal abuse can have many damaging effects. If being regularly criticised, humiliated and questioned, it is common for the victim to question their memory of events (i.e gaslighting), change their behaviour for fear of upsetting their partner, feel ashamed or guilty of themselves/their actions and not want to express their actual needs and opinions.

Intimate partner abuse is a complex issue that transcends age, race, and gender and can go unrecognised and unreported for years. Although numbers of reported cases are rising, cases of emotional and verbal abuse are specifically difficult to identify and give statistics on as it is not often recognised as a criminal offence. Despite this, verbal abuse and threatening behaviour are criminal offences and you have the right to legal protection.

The first step to dealing with abuse is to recognise it. By putting a name to your experience, you can begin to find help and support.

By learning more about different types of abuse, we can easier identify and acknowledge when we, or people around us, are being held in an unsafe environment. The main goal of our work is to create an understanding of the fact that all abuse is equally damaging and that all abuse is equally wrong. By learning about the subtle gestures and behaviours, we can be able to prevent victims from getting stuck in a cycle that might be deadly to them. Throughout our work, we will continue to go more in-depth into all types of abuse, hoping to spread greater knowledge and start a discussion around the spectrum of abuse.

If you or someone around you are experiencing domestic abuse or feel unsafe, you can call Refuge’s 24-Hour Helpline: nationaldahelpline.org.uk / 0808 2000 247 or 999 in an emergency.

If you want to share your story or get in touch, email us at thealingprocess.contact@gmail.com

Sources

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-recognize-verbal-abuse-bullying-4154087 https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#What-is-emotional-abuse https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/emotional-and-verbal-abuse https://onehousing.co.uk/resident-services/resident-information/safety-in-your-community/anti-social-behaviour/verbal-abuse-and-threats https://www.crispandco.com/site/services/domestic_violence/emotional-abuse-law/